Top Learnings of a New Mom
I can’t believe it has been over four weeks already since Skylar Zane graced us with his presence. It has been an amazingly exhausting four weeks. Now this blog isn’t meant to be his birth story more on what I learned during these last four weeks but I will give you the quick down and dirty highlight reel of how he came into this world.
On Friday the 8th of November I went into the doctor for my weekly check up and things were going just swimmingly… I was 1 cm dilated, about 75-80% effaced but that was about it. At that point we made the decision if there was no baby by my next appointment the next week we would strip my membranes to get the process started, in what my doctor lovingly called a back door way to starting the process before we are allowed to induce you. Thankfully Skye Man had different plans. Arriving home from the doctors office that Friday I passed my mucus plug later that afternoon and while that doesn’t mean too much it did show me that maybe we were gonna see our little man sooner rather than later.
We got through the weekend where I started noticing that my braxton hicks contractions had increased in strength and frequency, however nothing to really write home about. It was Sunday night or rather Monday morning because it was 12:30 in the morning that everything started. I woke up with horrible horrible back pain that would not go away no matter what I did, I spent the next three ish hours downstairs trying to get comfortable by switching between laying on the floor and the couch as my back pain increased and I realized I was having contractions. Later I learned I was entering a really fun stage called prodromal labor or more commonly known as pre-labor. Prodromal labor is tons of fun in that you are experiencing live contractions that are consistently inconsistent as I was found of calling it. Basically you just get to spend your hours contracting but can’t do anything about it because your water hasn’t broken nor are the consistent enough to go to the hospital. Apparently the more common thing with prodromal labor is for it to last for a couple hours and then your would get some sort of break with no contractions, this was not the case for me it was non-stop for what eventually would become 48 hours. Yes I was not contracting in regular intervals but the longest break I ever got during these 48 hours was max 1 hour and more commonly it was about thirty minutes.
Despite this I continued about my day, I went to my massage I had scheduled that Monday, worked, took athlete calls, and got my workouts in. I remember a couple of calls on Tuesday (in which the contractions were consistently every 10-15 minutes and would cluster with multiple in a row) where I would just have to say excuse me for a second I need to breath through a contraction. By the time Tuesday the 12th rolled around and I had been having pre-labor for over 24 hours I was becoming a bit exhausted and doing everything I could to just ignore the discomfort I was in. I went for an hour long walk in the morning, road my bike for 75 minutes and then made my husband go on a second evening walk in which I would have to stop every 5-10 minutes to breath it out.
Ok, so I know I said this wasn’t going to be my birth story but it appears it is turning into it so I’ll keep the rest short. My water broke sometime around 7-8 pm though I didn’t know it all I thought was that I couldn’t stop leaking…. what I did notice was when my membranes ruptured while I was laying in bed. I had just experienced a very intense and fairly long contraction when all of the sudden I felt a gushing sensation and was like son of a gun did I just pee myself again…. nope…. membranes broke in a very gross way in which I will not describe to you here. So away we went to the hospital, I spent almost two hours in triage and was admitted in active labor at 12:01 on November 13th. It was always the plan to get an epidural however part of me as I was progressing through labor I started to think I could handle more and would let it ride longer, however at about 4 am when I wasn’t progressing very quickly and my body was totally and completely resisting the contractions to the point where I was full on shaking throughout my whole body my mother in law reminded me that I didn’t need to be a hero. The point was to just deliver my baby in a safe, and healthy way and right now that meant getting the epidural now. So I did, and it was the best decision I ever made as it allowed my body to relax and do what it was needing to do.
On top of that I believe that Skye Man wasn’t responding well to my contractions because he kept decelerating, and they would come in about every half an hour and kindly tell me they needed to have me change positions because little man “didn’t like the position”, in retrospect what they were saying was his heart rate is decreasing so lets see if we can get it to go up. On top of that they had maxed out the PIT in order to get my body to move faster and looking at the monitor I was contracting hard about every 30 seconds, I am pretty sure my body would have fought that with every fiber of its being.
At that time my water broke my mom was still in Arizona she was planning on coming into town on the 18th which was even earlier than planned but we were starting to think that little man would be coming early… turns out we were right. I called her at 9 pm when my membranes broke mostly to ask her what I should do, cause well you always need your mom’s advice, and at that moment she bought a ticket to arrive on the 13th around 3 pm. When I was admitted to the hospital at at midnight she decided to change that flight again to arrive around 10:30 am on the 13th. The entire time I was in labor I just kept holding my breath that she would make, all I wanted was for my mom to be there to hold my hand. At 10:00 am the nurses told me I was at 10 cm and that it was time to have a baby… my mom still hadn’t landed. At 10:15 am I was told it was time to start pushing and all the appropriate people, ie: the doctor, had been called we were about to have a baby and my mom had just landed at the airport. 20 minutes later my mom came bursting through the door and around 15 minutes later at 10:54 am Skylar Zane was born at a beautiful 6 lbs 14 ounces and around 20 inches long to give Brandon the best birthday gift a dad could ask for and make this mom the happiest I’ve ever been (well after a few minutes cause it took me a minute to get my wits about me after the immediate act).
Since having Skylar Zane these last four plus weeks have been amazing and beautiful but also some of the hardest and most growth related weeks of my life. So I wanted to share a little bit about what it is that I have learned these last couple weeks.
Tired is just a state of mind
Tired is tired. I am more tired than I have ever been, thanks to Skylar wanting to be fed and changed every two hours but its not something that really ruins my day. So yes, I am unbelievably tired but I am mostly realizing that it is just a state of mind where I can still go about my day, I still am able to get all my workouts in, take care of Skylar, make dinner, and get some work done. Because rather than just let the tired consume me I have just accepted that this is how it’ll be for a little bit and that is ok. Tired is just an excuse and being tired is relative because everything else is so amazing. Plus while the long nights can be crushing sometimes I really don’t mind them because that means I get to spend more time with my little man and that is perfect to me and I would rather be tired than go back to the body crushing fatigue I had while I was pregnant.
You have to take care of you
This whole concept that you can’t even have time to take a shower when you have a baby is ridiculous. Take the damn shower. You have to take care of yourself too otherwise you can’t be the mom you need to be. This has become even more prevalent for me as we continue to progress and I get more into getting back to my workouts, yes leaving my little man is tough I do not enjoy leaving him but I always come back fresher, happier, and more ready to be 100% present in his life than when I left. Your mental, physical, and emotional healthy is just as important as caring for your new baby. If you don’t take care of yourself then you can’t take care of baby.
Making the time to ride my bike, swim, lift, run, train, and chase my dreams as an athlete has been the best thing for me. It isn’t me ignoring or abandoning my baby nor is it me making my baby think I love those pieces more than I love him but rather allows me to love with every ounce of my heart even more. Coming home to see my baby after training is the best thing in the world, it literally brings me to tears just writing about it how much it means to me.
You will be so happy yet feel so isolated at the same time
This was especially prevalent at the beginning right after labor. As a new mom you are navigating really weird waters that make no sense, your hormones are a mess, everything hurts, and you can’t do any of the things that you love to do. It is messy and weird but so magical at the same time. I remember just sitting there crying my eyes out because I loved this little peanut so much but I was so exhausted and needed some space so badly. Ask for help during this time frame you don’t have to do it all on your own, ask for help, talk about what you are feeling the more you can get it out the easier it is to manage it and understand it and just feel the feelings. It doesn’t have to be a family member, if you don’t have family close it can just be a friend!!
Your time is no longer your own and that is ok
Remember the days where you could just head out at the drop of a hat? Ya those are gone. It now sometimes takes an hour to even just get ready and then that may not even be the right amount of time. You will eat dinners cold and often with one hand because your little wants to be held or fed. It is just part of the process and at the end of the day it means more snuggle time with your little.
There is no manual
Everyone will offer their advice and while some of the advice can be helpful every single baby is different, every single person’s experience and life is different. You have the freedom to do what works for you no matter what people think or how they did it it isn’t their life and you as mom or dad have to do what works for you, your family and your baby. Don’t be afraid to stand up for you and for your life when it comes to raising your baby and child because however works for you (within reason) is what you should be doing.
On top of that you may just have to muddle through it, there is no specific way that will work. All you can do is offer all the love, support, kindness, caring, shelter, warmth, and food to your baby and that is perfect.
You will love like you have never loved in your life
I didn’t believe this. Yet out of all the “advice” that every liked to throw at me during pregnancy this is the only one that is true, you will love like you have never loved in your life. I am a self-pronounced tough guy, I am not sentimental even a little bit but this little man has totally changed that. Coming from someone who really really struggled with finding connection when I was pregnant and can honestly say that I didn’t “love” my baby while I was pregnant the love I have for Skylar is unbelievable I can barely put words to it. It physically hurts me how much I love him. While I cannot say that being a mom makes me whole or completes me because there is so much to me but he does make me a better person, he makes me stronger, happier, more patient, and all around everything.
Nothing else matters except that your little human is absolutely the best thing in the world I have nothing else to add to this because it totally and completely sums it all up.
I sit here as I write this so grateful for Skylar, the love that fills my heart as he sleeps in my arms is unbelievable and the joy I have for the excitement to share the world with him is unbelievable. If there is one thing that you listen to from others when they offer advice on your journey is that you will love like you have never loved before and your new little one will be 100% worth it.