I try hard to give you the good and the bad of my journey, keep it real, as there are always ups and downs no matter how positive you are. That being said it’s more fun to share the positive versus the negative, and social media is a great outlet to share the positive. Even the other day I shared a story on Instagram talking about the strength of the human body and the marvel that I had for the ability of my body to constantly respond to the stress I put it through with no questions. I have been blessed with what my physical therapists calls an amazing “comeback” from the accident to being about 3 weeks out of Ironman Arizona and feeling strong. While I am surprised at how well it is going and pleased with the progress I am not sure I would call it an “amazing comeback” rather just a lot of crazy mixed with some hard work. This so called comeback has not been an easy one, though if you follow my journey here and on instagram you may think that it has been straight forward, so in the spirit of keeping it real I wanted to give you a little behind the scenes of training for Ironman Arizona.
What You Don’t See
What you don’t see is the fact that I still have a bit of a limp especially after a high mileage weekend. That my ankle constantly aches and my back jams when I’ve spent a long time on the bike. Or how tough early mornings can be as my ankle doesn’t like the cold, and takes a long time to warm up. I’m already up so early that any more time to warm up means even earlier mornings.
What you may not know is that I haven’t been able to wear any of the cute shoes that I have for work since the accident as my foot is either slightly swollen from a morning/evening of training or so sore that being in heels or wedges is not a possibility – tennis shoes look really good with business casual.
What you may not know is how tired I am of going to physical therapy appointments, despite how much I know that I need them. That after getting my back, shoulder, neck, elbow, ankle, and hip worked on during therapy my muscles feel as though I just got done with a marathon. That there is always the chance that the accident caused a weakening in my hip where I had had hip surgery earlier in the year (doctor said don’t crash hard for about 6-9 months).
What you may not know is that every time I hop on the bike I am apprehensive. That whenever a car passes me I jump just a little bit. That I still can’t clip out with my left foot quickly. That being in aero position on the bike is uncomfortable due some weird crunchy stuff going on in my left elbow from where I broke the window of the car.
What you may not know is how tired I am from not only training but keeping up with the rehab at the same time. That I sleep with my left foot off of the bed because the position it ends up in when its on the bed wakes me up from discomfort.
What you may not know is that there are sometimes where I still experience a lot of anger from the accident. Anger for her carelessness taking something I had worked so hard for away from me. Anger that she did not seem to care that she hit a human. Anger that I still let it bother me.
What you may not know is that even though it means the early mornings and late nights were extended from 8 months of training to 11 months, I wouldn’t change it. That even though I don’t understand why this happened I am grateful for the chance to prove that the accident won’t stop me. That even when my ankle tries to tell me other wise my body is proving its strength ten fold. That when I crush a workout despite only being three months after the accident I feel as though I can take on the world.
What you may not know is that I feel as though this was the route I was destined to be on. That knowing I get to share this experience with someone who has become a great friend makes it worth it. Knowing that my family will be there with me every step of the way means nothing can go wrong. That the accident had a purpose, to show that with a little strength, faith, and belief in yourself you can go a long ways.
Life has a wonderful way of throwing twists at you that don’t always make sense. I have come to learn that those twists usually stand a purpose and if you embrace it fully you will find something spectacular out of it.
Find a place inside where there is joy. Joy will burn out the pain.